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Monday, January 3, 2011

I am From PAIN

I am From PAIN

I am from PAIN.
Muscles screaming, Nerves shrieking.
Pins and needles but, oh, so much worse.
A whole body protesting. Stop. It hurts. No more.

I am from LOSS.
Senses gone. Abilities diminished.
My whole body, a broken shell. It won't do what I want.
Cruel fate takes it all away.

I am from DESPAIR.
This isn't what I was meant to be.
It's not fair.
It's too much.
I can't do it.
I can't go on.
Depression embraces my soul.
Dark and black. There's no way out of this suffocating hole.

I am from DEATH.
A brother facing his own demons.
He gives up in the ultimate sense.
Alone and ashamed, he swallows the pills that extinguish the
flame of his being.
I'm left to tell my son that his uncle is dead.
I witness my mother's pain, her body wracked with sobs of grief.
How can I survive in a world that doesn't include my big brother?

I am from COURAGE.
I am not my brother.
I can not give up.
I will not give up.
I will take the slaps and punches that life throws my way.
I will face my greatest foe, even if that is my own body.

I am from DETERMINATION.
Don't tell me I can't.
That only makes me want to do it more.
I'll find a way, a winding path out of the deep, dark forest.
I'll climb the mountain, even if I have to crawl on hands and
knees.
Bleeding, bruised and broken, I will get to the top.

I am from LOVE.
Sweet child, I saw him take his first breath of life.
With tears streaming down my face, I admired him.
My son. Created from my spirit.
He has my blue eyes and freckles.
He calls me Mommy.
We flourish in love and laughter.
We are one force that can never be separated..

I am from LIFE.
Experience. Good and bad.
I face it all.
It's like a fruit salad all mixed into one bowl.
I pick out the bananas but I can still taste them.
You can't take away one part of the whole.
Each moment is one more piece in the greatest puzzle. One more
thread in the most magnificent quilt.
Apart, it means nothing.
Together, it tells the story of who I am and where I'm from.

Angela C. Orlando
September, 2010

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