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Sunday, May 22, 2011

"Oh, Honey, I'm Pregnant"

It was 11 years ago, as my first wedding anniversary drew near.
My husband and I began talking about having children. I stopped
taking my birth control pill. They say you need to be off it two
months before you start trying to get pregnant. I had only been
off the pill for one month. I wasn't thinking too seriously
about having a baby at that point.

I wanted a puppy. I thought this would be a great way to
celebrate our anniversary - a living symbol of our love. It
needed to be a small dog, in order to be a good companion for our
three-year-old Beagle-Bichon mix. I wanted a girl and planned to
call her "Annie," short for anniversary.

We started looking at the pound and local animal shelter. We
checked out Petsmart. I scanned advertisements in the
newspaper. But all we could find were big breeds. It seemed it
would be a challenge to find the kind of puppy I wanted.

Three days before our anniversary, I had to go in for some dental
work. My dentist told me to take a pregnancy test that morning
so he'd know which types of drugs to use. I took the test and it
was negative. I was a little disappointed but not too
surprised. After all, it was much too soon to be pregnant.

I had to work on our anniversary. We celebrated that evening by
eating year old wedding cake that someone had frozen for us.
The baker had made a mistake and the top layer was the wrong
flavor. It was kind of gross, but we each had a few bites
anyway. We were so caught up in the ritual of loving each other.

That night, I was cleaning up clutter in the bedroom and
bathroom. I came across the box of pregnancy tests. I thought
it would be so romantic to say, "Oh, Honey, happy anniversary.
I'm pregnant."

Now, keep in mind that I had just done a test, and I knew I
wasn't pregnant. I decided to take another test. One line is
negative. Two lines means you are pregnant. There was only one
line. I nodded and dropped the test on the counter. Oh well.
It was a silly romantic idea.

I finished cleaning the bedroom and came back into the bathroom.
I picked up the test and studied it for a moment. Then I threw
it away. I started to leave the room when I suddenly turned
back. I took the test out of the trash and looked at it again.
There was only one line. But there seemed to be something
else... It wasn't a line. It was more like an indicator of where
the second line would be if you were actually pregnant. I threw
the test away again.

I barely got out the bathroom door when I was drawn back yet
again. I dug the test out of the trash can and stared at it for
several minutes. Was that a second line? I didn't remember an
indicator on the first test. Could I actually be pregnant?

I began to panic. I tried to read the test directions but the
print was too small. I got my magnifying glass. Sitting on the
bathroom floor, I started to read the test information, while
glancing back at the test every few seconds. "If you are
pregnant, the second line may appear fainter than the first
line," the paper said.

At that point, I lost it. Forget about romance. I ran down
stairs to find my husband. I waved the test frantically in front
of his face and screamed, "What is this? Is that a second line?
What does this mean?"

He got me to calm down so he could figure out what was going on.
He asked me to go back upstairs and get the directions for him.
Then he studied the test and read through the information. He
looked up at me and said, "We aren't getting a puppy." That's
how I found out I was pregnant with JD.

Today is my son's 10th birthday. It is hard to believe that ten
years ago at this moment, I was sound asleep while in labor.
Yeah, I never seem to do anything the normal way. The medicine
knocked me out and I slept through most of my labor. They had to
wake me up when it was time to do the hard work.

I find it ironic that the boy who loves to eat so much was born
at dinner time. He was also born during a tornado watch. It's
as if the sky and heavens knew that a force of nature was on it's

I gave one last push. There was a "pop" and a scream and JD was
born. (Apparently the scream came from me.) I looked at my son
for the first time. He was purple and slimy and looked like a
corpse. I thought I had given birth to a dead baby.

Then his tiny, little mouth opened and he took his first breath
of life. He turned pink, started to scream and I was forever in

Today my son is ten-years-old. For the first time since he was
born, we are not together on his birthday. he is with his father
today. I will not seem him until tomorrow evening.

It doesn't bother me that much that we are not together today.
One day doesn't matter because we have a life time to be
together. I love him every day of the year, and he knows it.
Even thought we are not physically together today, he is in my
heart and I am in his. I believe that through that bond, he can
still hear me say "Happy birthday!"

JD, I love you. No matter where you are, I hope you have the
best birthday ever. We will celebrate again when you come home.

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