Arm Issues

I had a rough time during my OT session yesterday. First, the
occupational therapist noticed that my scar is "crunchy."
That's how she put it. I don't have a clue what "crunchy" means
in regards to an incision scar.

I asked if this was bad. She said, "No, just different." I
can't help but feeling worried, though.

After the usual stretches and exercises, she took measurements to
see how far I can straighten my arm. she does that during every
session. But this time it showed that my arm was actually
stiffer. It's getting worse, not better.

I was upset because I have really been trying at home. I do my
exercises three times a day and the scar massage twice a day.
She told me to "push it" and I thought I was. I'm very
discouraged.

The scary part is that this happened on my last OT appointment
for two weeks. I'll be off next week while recovering from
cochlear implant surgery. Then the therapist will be on vacation
the following week. So my next session isn't until the second
week of August.

I don't trust myself. I thought I was doing well but it turns
out I'm getting worse. I'm just afraid I will do too much damage
while on my own for two weeks. My therapist is worried that my
arm could be permanently bent.

I am trying to really push it now. It's hard because I can't see
what is happening with my arm when I do the stretches. I'm
working on my right arm. I need my left arm to help brace it
while I push with the sore muscles and tendons. I need
another hand to use as my eyes to see if everything is properly
straight. Unfortunately, I only have two arms. Imagine that.

I think it's straight but my mother tells me, "No, it's still
bent. You need to push it more." I really can't tell was is
happening. It is frustrating. (sigh)