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Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Sky Isn't Falling Anymore

The last week of June and beginning of July were difficult for
me. Part of it was because of my elbow surgery. I was unable
to read braille or type messages. I couldn't read books, make
phone calls, write emails or communicate with friends through
text messages. There was really very little that I could do. I
was so bored and lonely.

I spent my time sitting in a chair and day dreaming. I though
about old movies I used to enjoy. I "re-watched" these movies
by imagining the action and dialog in my head. I did the same
with books. Harry Potter and Percy Jackson got me through
several days.

I also composed blog in my head, as I thought about all the
things I would like to say to the world. I even began plotting
my first novel. I don't know if I will ever actually write it.
For now it's in my mind. That's the first step, I guess.

I tried anything and everything I could think of to keep my brain
busy. One dull day I played a game that involved naming nouns
that begin with the letter "b." Once I started, I couldn't seem
to stop. Let me tell you, there are tons of words that begin
with "b." BOREDOM is at the top of the list.

In truth, it wasn't just my recovery that had me so down. It
wasn't even the major part of my sadness. What really had me
hurting was that my beloved son was away for a month while
visiting his father.

JD is the most important thing in my life. He gives me my
strength and power. He's the reason I go on living. It is
always hard for me when he is gone like that.

During this time period, I began composing a poem. Maybe it
would be better to call it a song. I could even hear the tune
in my head. It was a song of utter grief and despair. Pain,
depression and loss. It was a very sad song.

I called it "The Sky is Falling." The chorus played in my head
over and over again all day long:

The sky is falling
The sky is falling And I don't know what to do
The sky is falling

JD is home now. He is back with me where he belongs... where I
need him. Suddenly, my life is okay again. The sorrow and
depression has been conquered with love and happiness. I feel
strong and powerful. I can take on anything. I can do anything.

As my arm began to heal, I was ready to write the song that I
had composed in my mind. That's when I discovered something
amazing. The song is gone. There's nothing left of the
emotions. Now the worlds and tune have disappeared, too. I
can't write it because it no longer exists.

My son is home. My world is right again. The sky isn't falling

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