happy birthday

Blurb: Thanks to family and good friends, a heart breaking
birthday became a a day to remember.

Why I dreaded this birthday is hard to explain. Some may have
said I was being melodramatic. But the pain I felt was real.
That's what matters.

I lost my older brother five years ago. A day doesn't pass
without me thinking of Tony. I may be mourning his death or
fondly remembering his life, but he is always with me.

Tony was five years older than me. He died one week before his
39th birthday. For this reason, I was dreading that birthday. It
meant I'd be older than my older brother. Something is wrong with
that fact. It's like a world turned up-side-down and all mixed
up? How can I be older than Tony?

During the week before my birthday, I began to sink into a state
of depression. I didn't want to face reality. I just wanted to
make this birthday go away. Crying in my lonely room seemed like
the best way to mark the date.

To my surprise, I had an idea. Instead of mourning death, I could
embrace life. In a flash, before I could consider my actions, I
was on Facebook inviting friends to a birthday dinner at Pancho
and Lefty's in Stow, Ohio.

Had I lost my mind? Probably. I never do anything special on my
birthday. Plus, I'm much too old for a party. never-the-less, a
party is exactly what I needed.

Yesterday I put on my cool clothes and dangly earrings and
walked into the restaurant as the guest of honor. My parents,
brother, sister-in-law and son were there. Also present were
sever of my signing friends, a high school friend and my poetry
teacher. It was a beautiful mix of the people who are most
important to me.

I sat between Joseph and a KSU friend who is an educational
interpreting major. She interpreted for those who didn't know how
to sign and kept me informed about what was going on. In this
manner, I could actually be part of the group.

What a group it was! We had the table set for 10 people. As more
friends arrived, we had to add extra tables. I was blown away. I
never imagined so many people would actually want to spend a
Saturday night during the holiday season with little, old me. The
show of love and friendship touched my heart. I'm so thankful to
everyone who helped me have a wonderful birthday.

We ate and drank our margaritas. I went crazy and ordered a
second. That's a record for me. I had to wear the big sombrero
while the staff and my guests sang "Happy Birthday." This time,
I could actually "hear" the song, as a friend signed the words
into my hands. Did anyone take pictures? I sure hope not.

Happy birthday to me... Even after the booze wore off, I was
still smiling.