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Saturday, August 24, 2013

the big bang and human bean theory

Blurb: If you are going to survive in this world, you need to be
able to laugh when things go wrong. That's how I came up with the
Big Bang and Human Bean Theory.

Call it Murphy's law or Stoffel Syndrome or a series of
unfortunate events. The point is that my life seems to run like a
1980 Chevy. Clunk, bang, boom! It's one big, tragic comedy
routine.

Take what happened last week... I had the chance to join a group
of motorcyclists and ride on the back of a three-wheeled bike. I
loved the trike. It felt just like riding a traditional
motorcycle but more steady.

"Why would a DeafBlind person want to ride a motorcycle?," you
might ask. I will tell you... DeafBlind people like to do the
same things everyone else does. We can't drive a bike. but riding
on the back is still a thrill.

I could feel the vibration of the motorcycle and hear the
"vrrroom" of the engine. I smelled gasoline. As we sped through
country roads, I could smell different flowers and plants on the
air. The wind felt wonderful against my face. I would have been
smiling like a lunatic, but remembered to keep my mouth shuts so
bugs wouldn't fly in.

I wanted to go far and fast. That's exactly what we did. The ride
was awesome! I didn't want to stop. But all good things must come
to an end, and this one ended with a bang... Literally.

I felt the bike shudder and smelled burning rubber. We started to
swerve and bumped into something. Then we seemed to be floating
through plants as the driver wrestled for control.

One, tow, three... What could it be? A tire blew out, we hit a
mailbox and ended up in a bean field. I started to slip to the
right and thought I was going to fall off. Then my left knee
hurt. It was wedged against something. Despite the pain, I was
grateful because I stopped sliding and was able to stay in place
until the motorcycle came to a halt. Whew, what a ride!

Yeah, I got hurt, but I also became aware of other things. For
example, I was covered head to toe in beans. My friend was
picking them out of my hair. As I walked, I left a trail of beans
behind. Later, when I changed my clothes, I even found beans in
my under-clothes. Hey, I like beans raw, not in my bra.

Everyone else in the group was shook up. My other friend, who was
on her own bike, just about had a heart attack. I was so busy
cracking jokes, I forgot to tell them I was hurt.

That ride ended with a big bang. What a blow-out! I was hoping to
get close to nature, and I certainly managed to do that.

I was still laughing and raining beans when we returned to the
house. That's when I said "Ouch!" There was an abrasion on my
elbow and long cut on my knee. They bandaged me up and iced the
knee. I spent the rest of the evening off my feet. I made one
thing clear to everyone. As soon as the trike is fixed, I want to
go for another ride.

I'm healing well. My boyfriend is calling me "Bean Dip" and
making every bean joke he can think of. That's only fair because
I've been torturing him with banana jokes for two years. We are
quite a pair.

Now, here's my theory -- Life is tough. If something can go
wrong, it will go wrong. That's the BIG BANG. If we react with
anger, fear or sorry, we will surely go insane. So, pick up your
chin and grin. Show me a smile. Find the humor in the situation.
Laugh yourself silly to stop from crying. That's what being a
HUMAN BEAN is all about.

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