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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Four Years

It's amazing to see how my life has changed in only four years.
The difference between then and now is staggering. I'm so glad
for all I've been able to improve and accomplish. But mostly I
am thankful that JD is living a safe and normal life now.

Four years ago this very day and time, I was sitting in a bedroom
in a women's shelter. I was terrified beyond belief. I had just
secretly fled from an abusive husband and I was scared to death
about what he would do.

I sat on a bed in that room and just stared ahead of me. I could
not talk, read or think. The only thing that went through my
mind, again and again was, "He has access to guns."

JD played with other kids in the shelter. He was burning off
energy after a long and stressful day. He was the little king
because he was the oldest child and only boy.

It helped me to know that he was having a fun moment. But I
didn't know if I could keep him safe in the long term. I didn't
know if I'd be able to keep him with me at all. I was so scared
of losing custody. How could I endure life without my son? How
could I send him back to the monster we had just escaped?

Now it's four years later. JD is sleeping soundly in his bedroom
at my parents house. He's got a low loft bed, Walle sheets and a
Looney Toons pillow. His arms are clutched around his new
favorite stuffed animal - A Little Kinz St. Bernard named Barry.

He sleeps like a little angel. He IS an angel. He's so active
and happy. He loves his friends, puppy, school and Cub Scouts.
He is such a normal child. That's all I ever really wanted.

And I sit here writing this blog. I'm not afraid. Fear is an
emotion from the past. My life is strong and stable. No one
ever hurts me anymore. That, too, is the way things should be.

Four years... Such a short time period. Yet it also feels like
forever. I am so happy to be free.

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